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 No.19182

Reposting "Futility" by the author of the Land of the Rising Sun (they didn't have a name, did they?) as per request here >>19174

***

A single message, that's all it was, and yet the recipient, now sat against the fridge in her apartment, about to finish up her 10th can of beer.

"idiot," Misato muttered, with bloodshot eyes, chugging down the contents of her beer can.

She thought she got over him, that she was past these feelings. Rather, that's what she wanted herself to believe. Repeat a lie enough, and it becomes the truth, though it would seem, sadly, in her case, her own feelings betrayed her. Kaji's last message tore open a chasm in her heart and mind, one she never knew existed, one she tried to mask with alcohol.

She looked to her phone again. Asuka was still in school, right? Misato had completely lost track of time, not that it mattered much anyway. With what she and Kaji had dug up, there really was no point in any of what they were doing, with their death being inevitable, whether it was through instrumentality, or the result of a battle with an angel, whichever side won, humanity, or at least what she perceived to be humanity, would lose.

She grasped her phone. 12:07 P.M. Has it really been 3 hours? She stumbled through the contacts list, somehow refraining from calling Asuka directly despite being completely smashed, and instead choosing to call the school.



Asuka quietly worked on a maths problem set her teacher. She was close to finishing it when the classroom door opened. There stood the one of the schools administrative staff.

"Miss Sohryu, could you come with me to the principals office?" The young man said, with a calm, distant expression, seemingly ignorant about interrupting the class.

Asuka quietly stood up, however the man interjected.

"Could you bring your belongings as well please? You may need to return home," He said.

She sighed. Misato probably drunk-dialed the school, or was suffering from a really bad hangover. She grabbed her things and walked out, escorted by the man to the principals office. The administrative clerk opened the door for her, letting her in, before going off to continue doing whatever it was his job entailed.

"Good afternoon, miss Sohryu," The principal said, "Your guardian, Major Katsuragi has called us, saying that there is an emergency. She would not divulge any further details."

"If it's an emergency, why haven't Rei and Shinji been called back as well? She's probably just drunk again. Wouldn't be the first time, though she usually has enough self control to wait until the evening," Asuka said, clearly annoyed at the development.

"Miss Sohryu, as I said, I don't know what this 'emergency' is, however she truly did sound as if something terrible had happened and-"

"Like her forgetting that it's Monday, waking up late and drinking a six-pack," Asuka said, cutting off the principal, who seemed to be used to it by now.

They said their farewells, as Asuka briskly walked off, on towards her and Misato's shared apartment.



Unsurprisingly, her plan of drowning her sorrows in alcohol had failed. Miserably. She was bawling, like a toddler who's favorite plush toy was torn from their grip, and ripped to shreds as they watched helplessly. Pen Pen, in his infinite wisdom, chose to ignore the drunk, depressed Misato, and opted to take a bubble bath while things blew over, taking one of the last two beers left.

The crying got quieter, as Misato eventually passed out. She was out cold when Asuka let herself in, and as she expected, she found a drunk Misato, passed out against the fridge, 10 empty beer cans in her immediate vicinity.

"How the hell did this drunkard manage to get the rank of Major is beyond me. I can't believe Kaji dated this, thing," She mumbled to herself, as she walked over to Misato.

Asuka walked up to Misato, looking down on her. She noticed something off, Misato looked like she was crying. The area around her eyes visibly moist, as were her cheeks. Asuka, now confused, tried to wake her up. Shaking her didn't work, and neither did slapping. So she did what any sane person would do when waking up someone who passed out. She poured cold water into a jug, filled it with ice, and poured it over Misato's head.

Misato screamed. The freezing cold brought her back from her alcohol induced stupor.

"The hell were you crying about?" Asuka asked, not even waiting for Misato to get a grasp of her surroundings.

Misato looked up, staring blankly at Asuka. She tried to say it, but couldn't find the words. She had to say it. Asuka deserved to know.

"Kaji is dead," Misato murmured.

Silence. Absolute silence. Asuka's eyes appeared to glaze over, as she stood over Misato, frozen. The bathroom door creaking open broke the silence, as Pen Pen walked into the kitchen, wrapped in a towel. A single glance at the somber situation was enough to send him back into the bathroom for an extended bubble bath.

"You're lying," Asuka whispered.

She fell to her knees in front of Misato, who grabbed the last can of beer, as she quickly chugged down the contents.

"It's your fault. You shitty drunken bitch, it's your fault he's dead," Asuka mumbled, trembling, from sorrow and rage, "Your idiotic investigation got him killed didn't it? Worthless. Worse than that idiot Shinji."

Misato sat in silence, listening. Asuka was, at least partially, correct. Their investigation of NERV's secrets no doubt led to him being killed, though it wasn't her interest alone that caused it, though had she thought things through, maybe it would have been better not knowing. Not supporting his actions may have gotten him to stop. It may have saved his life. Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Kill yourself," Asuka said coldy, "Waste of oxygen, just go die."

Misato stood up, walked over to a kitchen counter, and leaned against it. A large kitchen knife caught her eye. She reached over for it, grasping it firmly with her right hand. Maybe Asuka was right. Maybe it would be easier for her to end it all here and now, after all, regardless of the outcome of their battles, death is inevitable. Maybe getting it out of the way now, would spare her the trouble of doing it later.

Asuka curled up, sobbing. The one man whom she truly respected, and loved, was gone. What was there for her in this world? What was the point of fighting on?

Misato, still leaning against the counter, looked down. Her wet, yellow crop top was almost see-through now. She didn't feel that cold either, surely a side-effect of the alcohol, and likely not to last long. She looked further down, at her slightly pudgy belly. Unsurprising that it was slightly bloated, what with 11 beers down the hatch. How she didn't piss herself, or puke was beyond her.

"Worthless drunkard," Misato mumbled to herself, patting her exposed belly, as she brought the kitchen knife to her left hip.

"Waste of oxygen," She said, louder this time, as she began to push the knife in, still leaning over the counter.

She felt pressure building up against her belly, her skin. The knife's tip was somewhat blunt, but small enough to start breaking her skin with the pressure she was exerting. It didn't take long for her skin to give way, as the knife slid into the soft, loose muscle and fat of her belly. She felt the wound expand as she pushed the knife further in. The pain slowly building, as the knife was now embedded just above and to the right of her left hip.

"I'm sorry, Kaji. Asuka," She whispered.

With a low grunt, she began to pull the knife across her lower belly. The pain began to build up, and the dull kitchen knife did little to help. Though oddly enough, she found it bearable, almost liberating. She never thought she would see the day where she'd commit suicide, in particular, a slow, painful one such as this, and yet there was not a single doubt in her mind that her actions now, were the only way out. The only way to atone for Kaji's death, for Asuka's grief, and perhaps most importantly to her, to have the freedom to choose when, and how she died.

There was now a clear, red gash on Misato's slightly bloated belly, the flesh looked more torn that cut. She leaned over the counter slightly, keeping herself upright with her left hand. The cut half-way done, with the knife sitting an inch below her oval innie, she finally let go. She couldn't find the strength to cut further. She pulled the knife out, and dropped it on the floor. The loud clang getting a crestfallen Asuka's attention.

Asuka looked up, quickly realizing that Misato had actually taken her seriously. She really did try to kill herself. She was bleeding profusely. Yet she felt nothing. Misato trundled over to her, dropping to her knees infront of her, very clearly in pain, and yet she still felt nothing.

"Asuka, help me," Misato begged with a pained voice, "Help me finish the cut."

Asuka stared blankly at Misato. She didn't want her to die, she could easily end all of this by calling an ambulance. Misato didn't cut too deep by the looks of it, a few stitches, and maybe a transfusion would be all that was necessary to get her patched up.

"Yeah, I'll call an ambulance, this is insane. This whole situation is insane, idiotic even," Asuka thought.

She stood up, and looked to the knife. She slowly walked over to pick it up, paying no attention to the very distressed wounded Misato, and grabbed it with her right hand.

"It won't take long for an ambulance to get here, they'll probably come even faster when I tell them who was injured, and who's requesting it, so everything's going to be fine," Asuka thought, oblivious to even her own actions, as if in a trance.

She walked back, took a seat right behind Misato, allowing Misato to lean back, and rest against her chest. Asuka grabbed Misato's top, and pulled it up, baring the wounded woman's midsection. She brought the knife back to the edge of the wound, sliding it back in. Misato let out a low grunt, the feeling of the steel scraping against her torn flesh sending torrents of pain through her body. Asuka began dragging the knife, slowly tearing open the rest of Misato's tummy, as her eyes stared blankly at the wound she was now expanding.

"F-fuck," Misato stuttered, "Just finish the cut already…"

Her plea fell on deaf ears. A strange pressure started building up in her belly, as she saw the first strand of entrails peek out from the gushing cut. The knife was almost at her right hip, it wouldn't take long now. Just a little more cutting and she would be free, from all the pain, suffering, and guilt. Asuka suddenly twisted the knife, and jerked it up towards Misato's chest, before striking a rib. Misato tried to scream, but found herself puking instead. She threw up a good deal of the beer she chugged down earlier, all over her belly. The blood, now mixing with the acid and alcohol made her feel as if her wounds were set alight. She let out a blood curdling scream as she began to thrash around.

Asuka finally snapped out of her trance. She had no recollection of what she had done. Her memories got muddled at Misato asking her for help. She knew Misato couldn't have done this by herself. She killed her. Her guardian. Her rival in love. She let go of the knife, and hugged Misato tightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Asuka whimpered, "I'm sorry…"

Misato eventually went still. The pain, combined with the massive blood loss, made her pass out. She was to be not long for this world. For the first time today, tears streamed down Asuka's cheeks. She hugged Misato tightly, and sobbed.

There was a knock on the door, as it slowly opened.

"I'm home," Shinji said.

***

"Is there no one inside?" Rei asked.

"I guess not. Strange, I remember locking the door after I -" Shinji said.

He was cut off by an odd sight in the corner of his eye. A dark red liquid slowly spreading from the kitchen. Confused, he quietly set his schoolbag aside, and slowly headed towards the kitchen, making as little noise as possible. He heard sobbing, bawling, to be precise. How did he not hear it when he entered? He darted around the corner, seemingly forgetting about the dark red fluid, as he slipped, hitting his head on the floor, and hard. Everything went silent, and black, as he fainted from the shock.

Rei, confused at first, now rushed to his assistance, not sure whether the blood pooled around him was his or not. Upon reaching him, she was greeted by a grotesque sight. A disemboweled misato, a a bloody Asuka, and an unconscious Shinji. It would have been quite a sensory overload for any person, except Rei. She calmly knelt down to check Shinji's pulse, ignoring the very distressed Asuka, and Misato's corpse. As expected from a relatively minor fall, he would live. He'd have a massive headache and most likely a concussion, but he'd live. With that out of the way, she turned to Asuka.

"What happened?" Rei asked calmly, monotonously even.

Asuka, still holding Misato, stared at Rei blankly. Tears pouring down her cheeks.

"I killed her, I murdered her." Asuka mumbled.

"I… can see that." Rei replied, confused as to why Asuka was stating the obvious. The knife was right next to Asuka's hands after all.

"Why did you murder her?"

"I don't know, I just acted, she told me to, and I didn't realize what I was doing, and Kaji is dead, and now Misato - " Asuka mumbled, but cut herself off.

Asuka let Misato go, as her corpse flopped to the floor, as she darted to get Misato's phone. It wasn't far away, and as she got hold of it, she frantically searched through Misato's messages, trying to find something, anything from Kaji. Maybe he sent something before he died. Maybe Misato's investigation actually paid off; and, as she searched, she found it. Reading the message once over, her sense of guilt over her actions, vanished. If what Kaji said was true, there was no point to fighting back. They'd either die, or 'die', from what she understood.

"So then that's why she chose to go out like that." Asuka mumbled to herself, as she looked back at Misato.

She remembered learning about Japanese history in school, and about the ritual suicide reserved for the samurai and daimyo, and others of similar class. Seppuku. Though, from what she remembered, it was for men only. She looked at Shinji.

"Rei, read this." She said as she tossed Misato's phone to Rei, who deftly caught the poorly aimed projectile.

Rei read the message, thrice over, to fully decipher what it meant, to be able to interpret it for Shinji once he wakes up, and perhaps to pick up on anything Asuka missed.

"I understand. What will you do now Asuka? Follow Misato, or keep fighting?" Rei asked.

Asuka walked over to the knife, and grabbed it. She looked at Shinji again.

"Do you think he'd want to commit seppuku?" Asuka replied.

Immediately understanding her intentions, Rei replied, "No. He's not fond of pain."

"Too bad, wake him up, I'm not going to die before him and let him do perverted shit to my corpse."

Asuka moved towards Shinji, tearing his shirt open, sending a few buttons flying, as she bared his midsection. Rei, on the other hand, stripped off her skirt and panties, as she sat down on his chest. Perhaps a sexual reward of sorts would ease his pain? A sharp slap from Rei, coupled with a strange, cold sensation on his belly, managed to wake him up.

"Rei!? What are you doing? Is this blood? Who's touching me down th-" Shinji stammered, rather briskly cut off by Rei planting her clit on his mouth.

"Asuka is going to disembowel you~ Ahn," Rei was abruptly cut off Shinji's tongue, as it went through her other lips.

Looks like he wasn't going to mind being gutted much, or perhaps he didn't hear her properly. The latter was more likely given that he was probably suffering from a concussion, and was rather suddenly awoken by a butt-naked Rei, who's vagina, is now on his face.

Asuka meanwhile, noticed a growing bulge in his pants. Despite it being Shinji's bulge, she couldn't help but feel 'slightly' sorry for him, after all, she was about to gut him, so she helped free his pulsing cock. After giving it a second glance, she gave up. It wasn't as large as it looked under his trousers, sadly. Her gaze turned back to his midsection.

"I'm going to start now, alright?" She said.

Getting no reply, save for Rei's occasional moaning, she placed the tip of the knife into his shallow, round belly button. Grabbing the knife with both hands, she gave it a solid thrust, as she first felt resistance, then, nothing. A muffled scream, and a loud moan from Rei followed. He tried to move, but with both girls holding him down, Shinji was done for. Letting him settle down a bit, she tried to pull the knife downwards, towards his groin, but found that his navel proved quite tough to cut through. She pulled harder, as his belly distended somewhat.

"Fucking hell, it won't, cut." Asuka grumbled.

She began to twist the blade, trying to carve away at the scar tissue blocking her path; while inadvertently stirring, and blending his intestines in the process. It eventually worked, as after a strong tug, and a satisfying 'pop', the scar tissue gave way, and the knife tore downwards with little resistance. At the moment his navel gave way to the blade, his cock pulsed, squirting his fluids onto a bewildered, and now disgusted Asuka.

"Oh what the fuck! Disgusting! Who get's off to being disemboweled, you sick fuck!" She screamed, getting off of him, and rushing to the kitchen sink, to wash her face.

Shinji meanwhile, was in quite a dilemma. He loved the fact that Rei let him eat her out, but hated that his guts were now pushing out of his new expanded belly button. He also hated that he somehow managed to get off to him being stabbed, and gutted, rather than eating Rei out. Then, it all turned bad. Rei got off, as she turned to get the knife.

"Wait, Rei." He mumbled weakly.

Rei, now holding the knife, moved down, to his crotch, slowly mounting his erect member, as she began to gently move her hips. A warm fluid ran down his shaft. Her virgin blood. At the very least, he wouldn't die a sad, depressed virgin. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. He finally resigned himself to his fate, as painful as it may be.

"Oh, lovely. You're having sex, in a pool of blood and guts. Amazing." Asuka muttered.

She grabbed the knife from Rei, and knelt down next to Shinji's brutalized belly.

"This'll hurt." She said, ramming the knife back into his navel, only cutting upwards this time.

Shinji let out a pained grunt. He didn't have the energy, nor blood, left to scream. He felt as his midriff was slowly being sliced open, how the knife tore through it. It wasn't a sharp knife, that was painfully obvious, and yet he still didn't scream. Having sex with Rei, somehow ended up being the ultimate painkiller. Having Asuka use the knife to then scoop out his intestines, didn't bother him. He unleashed yet another load, straight into a quiet, slightly flustered Rei.

"Now, finish him quickly" Rei muttered. The rush from releasing inside her would mask the pain, though she wasn't in the position to explain things in great detail, given her current disposition.

Luckily, Asuka understood. She pulled the knife out of his now empty stomach cavity, and slammed it into his chest, giving it a sharp twist, before pulling it out. Shinji spasm'd violently, coughed, and went still. Asuka set the knife aside, as she stood up, looking at what she had done. A massive red gash, 3 inches from his cock, up to his sternum, now emptied. A pile of pinkish-red entrails, sloppily piled to his right side, and, a bubbling wound on his chest. Quite the mess.

Rei got off Shinji, staggering slightly as she straightened out.

"I recommend you commit seppuku next, so I may be your second." Rei stated calmly.

Startled as to how calm Rei was, Asuka tried her best to reply, "If you insist. Just, leave me be until I ask for you to finish it."

Rei nodded, as Asuka went to the bathroom. Confused, Rei followed. Her confusion would not end there, as Asuka then decided it would be a great time to have a shower. Clean herself off, if you will. A good 30 minutes later, a squeaky clean Asuka emerged.

"Was this really necessary?" Rei asked.

"Before seppuku, one should cleanse both body and spirit."

The reply was calm and collected. Perhaps this was her way to prepare for departure. The naked Asuka put on a bathrobe, as she told Rei to fetch a clean, sharper knife. With Rei gone, she set down a white towel on the floor, placing a large, folded red towel to one end, and in the center, a small hand towel. She tried her best to mimic what a proper seppuku ritual would look like.

When Rei returned, she found Asuka sitting seiza, eyes closed, as she mentally prepared for the task at hand.

"This is the sharpest one I could find. I cleaned it beforehand as well." Rei said, handing a smaller, razor-sharp knife to Asuka.

Asuka took the knife by the handle, before grabbing a roll of toilet paper by her side. She wrapped the blade in toilet paper, enough to leave just enough of the blades edge to cut through her muscle and fat, but not enough to harm her entrails, before placing the wrapped knife on the small central towel, and returning to her meditation.

A long, silent minute passed.

"Let's begin." Asuka exclaimed.

***

While her outer appearance was calm, collected, peaceful even, her mind was racing. She was going to die here. The thought of it sickened her, yet, she did not falter. She could not. She had to do this, perhaps not in the way she was currently about to, after all, a single cut to the jugular would suffice. Perhaps slitting her wrists even? No. She wasn't going to back down. If Misato could do it, and even that idiot Shinji, though with her and Rei's assistance, why couldn't she? Yes, the pain would be unbearable, but the thought of carrying on after what she had heard, witnessed, and done, left her livid. Perhaps, laying down her life in this manner would be a form of atonement, for even considering suicide in the first place, for taking another's life, and, for forsaking this world, and all who dwell in it.

With her thoughts settled, Asuka opened her eyes, slowly turning towards Rei, "I won't need a second. Just watch or something."

Rei nodded, as she set aside a rather menacing meat-cleaver. Giving it a second look, Asuka was sure she made the right choice. How on earth was she going to kill her quickly with one of those? An even better question, would be where she got that meat cleaver, as Asuka couldn't remember owning one. Perhaps she brought one with her?

Clearing her throat, Asuka stopped delaying. The longer she waited, the more her conviction would falter. Best to get it over with. She opened up her bathrobe, bearing her supple breasts, and her toned midriff. She pulled the robe down further, tying the sleeves around her hips, to hold it in place. She lowered her gaze to her stomach. She never really gave it much thought before, but it was quite attractive, toned, yet still slightly flabby, it was pleasant to the touch. She massaged it, smothering it with her left hand, trying to find that 'hollow' where the dagger would go. She eventually gave up, as she wasn't exactly sure what this 'hollow' was meant to feel like, and decided to just start with her belly button. Might as well go for a cross cut, get herself some bonus honour points, for whatever that's worth. Then it hit her. She was still a virgin - even that idiot Shinji got some action before he died, with Rei of all people. She looked up at Rei, as her fingers moved to her exposed navel.

"Hey, Rei, what do you think of my belly?" She asked, rather awkwardly.

"It holds your intestines, liver, kidneys, stomach, spleen, pancreas, and gallbladder, if I remember correctly, so it is quite a useful part of your anatomy that should really be called the-"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Rei," Asuka snapped, pausing briefly, "Get over here, fucking finger me, lick my belly and belly button, and don't fucking start spewing human anatomy!"

Rei, slightly offended at being cut off, let out a sigh, as she obeyed. It wouldn't do her any harm to oblige Asuka, but it was quite strange that both her and Shinji wanted to do something sexual with her before they died. Was this really that important before death?

Rei sat down in front of Asuka, wrapping one hand around her back, as she slid the other towards Asuka's crotch. She looked Asuka right in the eyes, as she lowered her head, and slowly licked her chest, between her breasts. Asuka yelped, she didn't think it would tickle this much. It was a novel feeling, a strange one, but not in a bad way. The tingling got more intense as Rei moved down, dragging her tongue along Asuka's midriff. She shuddered as Rei slipped her fingers inside her already moist pussy.

"Oh god, don't stop~" Asuka mewled.

She never thought that she would have enjoyed something of this sort. Perhaps it served as a way to escape the anxiety, and discomfort of what was to come?

Rei, meanwhile, methodically pumped her fingers inside Asuka, keeping a steady, almost machine-like pace, while she slowly traced her tongue around Asuka's deep, slit-like navel. As if beckoning her to just stick it in already, Asuka pushed her belly into Rei's face. Yet, Rei persisted, she kept teasing Asuka, neither fingering her very fast, or hard, nor tongue-fucking her belly button. She was doing just enough to keep her on edge, yet not tip her over. Rei's slimy, warm lingua kept tracing around the rim of Asuka's navel, eventually retreating back into her mouth. Instead, she brought her nose down, and pushed it into Asuka's tight belly button, sniffing it, eliciting a few giggles from Asuka. It smelt of lavander, and milk. Asuka must have washed quite thoroughly. Satisfied with her partners belly button hygiene, she finally pushed her tongue into the crevice, twisting and turning, until she reached the nub. Judging by Asuka's reaction, she quite enjoyed that, she moaned like a wild animal in heat, prompting Rei to move her fingers harder, and faster. She pumped Asuka's belly and pussy harder, harder, until Asuka practically screamed out from the orgasm.

Rei sat up, pulling her fingers out, "Was that fine?" She asked.

Asuka, breathless, lying on her back, simply nodded. This wasn't what she had planned originally, but it felt great, and there was no use regretting it now. Gathering her composure, she straightened out once more, sat in seiza once more. She cleared her throat.

"That was, uh, fine. You can sit back now."

Rei nodded, as she remained seated, watching Asuka. There wasn't really much else to do. Perhaps she should think of a way to commit suicide?

Asuka, calm once again, grabbed hold of the wrapped up knife, as she spread her belly button open with her free hand. She slipped the tip of the knife in, until it reached the pit of her navel. She let go of her belly button, and placed both hands on the knife now, with the cutting edge facing down. A deep breath, followed by a gentle push, and the tip of the knife broke the skin. It stung somewhat, yet she kept pressure on the knife. The stinging got worse, as the knife slid through the scar tissue, cutting just deep enough to penetrate her stomach cavity. A trickle of blood flowed down from her navel, snaking its way to her smooth, hairless crotch, as it slowly stained her bathrobe. With the knife now firmly in place, came the hard part. Making the cross-cut. This was going to hurt. Regardless, she had to push on. It was too late to stop now. She adjusted her left hand to better push downwards on the blade, and began making the downwards cut. She felt an immense pain right below her belly button, as the scar tissue that held the knife in place, began to tear. She wiggled the knife around, hoping to get it to cut through, and - her navel gave way. The knife tore downwards, tearing down to her cervix. She bit her lip, and shut her eyes. The disgusting, searing pain in her stomach just kept getting worse, and she felt a sickening pressure building from inside her. She quickly pulled the knife back up to her navel, as she let out a pained grunt. Time to cut upwards.

Rei looked at the gory spectacle before her in amazement. She still didn't understand the significance of cutting open ones abdomen, to spill their internal organs, as a means of suicide. It was far too inefficient, not to mention extremely painful. Not to mention, from what she had seen and learned, there was no advantage to dying this way, at least not in today's society, so why was Misato, and now, Asuka so insistent on this form of suicide? Turing her gaze away from Asuka, she unbuttoned her shirt, baring her own midsection. Perhaps she should try seppuku? Maybe she was missing something.

Asuka meanwhile, was contemplating her options. She could either, twist the knife till the cutting edge faced upwards, or pull it out, re-orient it, insert it into the wound, and continue with the cut. She settled on twisting it, as it was faster, and in her now convoluted mind, a more honourable thing to do. Preparing herself, she took a deep breath, and held it in, as she violently twisted the knife, spraying blood from her mutilated navel all over the towel. She let out a soft groan. She felt sick to her core. It only got worse with each passing second. She tugged at the knife, pulling it upwards. There was no resistance as it slid cleanly through the fat and muscles on her upper belly. She cut almost up to her sternum, before pulling the knife out. The pressure that was building inside of her somehow vanished, and the nausea was miraculously gone. She knew why. She didn't dare look, yet she knew why that was. With such a massive gash in her belly, and with her now relaxing her muscles, her entrails pushed out. She didn't even finish the cut, and yet a good portion of her guts were now piled up in front of her. Eyes still shut, she placed the knife to her left hip, and with what little strength she had, pushed it in. She barely felt it, the pain coming from the central wound was overpowering compared to that little pin prick. Gripping the blade with both hands, she jerked it to the right as hard as she could, neatly slicing through her soft lower belly, from hip to hip. She dropped the knife, and leaned forwards. A disgusting slopping sound, followed by the sudden onset of nausea followed. She opened her eyes. The clean, white towel she had laid on the floor was stained a dark red, and right in front of her, sat a heap of guts. Her guts. She reached out, touching one of her intestines. It didn't hurt, rather, it felt, odd. She wasn't sure how to describe the feeling, though, considering the lack of blood, it wasn't surprising. She looked further down, at what was left of her belly, and smiled faintly.

"A perfect cross-cut." Asuka mumbled.

Asuka raised her head, looking Rei straight in the eyes, as she brought the knife to her own throat.

"Your turn." She whispered, as she drove the knife in.

_________________________________________________________

Seeing that Asuka was no longer among the living, Rei pulled the knife from her throat. She stood up and walked to the sink, rinsing the blood off of the knife, before making her way to the living room, knife still in hand. She went to her school bag, rummaging around. She found it. Molecular Cell Biology. The book she was reading through in her spare time.

"Your turn"

Asuka's words rang through her head. She got looked down at her stomach. She already knew what she would find should she cut herself open, so that was of no particular interest to her, although she felt obliged to listen to Asuka's final request.

Rei lay her bag down lengthwise, placing her book on top of it. Might as well give herself something to read one she made the cut. She opened the book to chapter she stopped at last night on Nerve Cells before turning her attention to the knife. She brought it close to her left hip, before pushing it in. Rei took her time, making sure she made the cut just right. If she pushed in the blade too deep, she risked damaging her viscera, thus shortening her expected survival time - meaning she would either not get to finish reading her chapter or that she'd have to rush through reading it.

The knife didn't have too much to cut through, given her small, lithe build. She clearly felt the lack of resistance one she had pierced through the muscle, stopping herself from applying more pressure almost instantly. She tried to pull the blade towards her right hip, but the knife didn't cut as well as she would have expected. With a sigh, she slowly started sawing open her belly. Dragging the blade against her torn flesh, bit by bit. She could feel each individual muscle fiber tearing. What started as a trickle of blood now turned into a torrent. Her hands began to tremble as she got close to her right hip yet Rei persevered. With a final tug she had completed the cut, yet unlike with Asuka, her insides were staying inside. Perhaps it was better this way. Less messy. She set the knife aside as she turned her attention back to her book.

It didn't take long for her to finish the chapter - or perhaps it did and she simply lost track of time. Regardless, she had finished reading, and she did not feel anywhere close to death. Blood had stopped gushing out of her wound, rather it has slowed down to a steady flow. She had at least another hour left in her. A painful and quite boring hour left. Thinking about what she had read, and experienced with Shinji taking her virginity, she somehow made the link that for her nether regions, more pain, is equal to more pleasure. With nothing better to do, she thought best to test this.

Grabbing the knife with one hand, and holding her bisected belly with the other, she got up on her knees. She placed the knife right below her, resting the tip against her lower lips. Surely this would feel good, right? She slowly wiggled the tip of the blade inside her, feeling the cold steel brush past. A jolt shot up her spine as the blade gently brushed her tender flesh. It felt great. She focused less on the pain in her stomach, and more on the pleasant tingling coming from her crotch. She pulled the knife out slightly before pushing it in a bit further, just slightly grazing her insides, as the first droplets of fresh blood began to drip from the knife. Yet another thrust left a steady stream of blood pouring out of her as she twitched violently from both pain and pleasure.

With each thrust the knife went further, cutting deeper. The pain started to build yet Rei did not stop until the knife was in up to the hilt. She wasn't done. She didn't climax yet. Letting go of her wound she grasped the handle with both hands as she jerked the knife upwards. The initial tug gave her that sweet release she so craved but she pulled a bit too hard. The blade tore through her vaginal walls, up past her pubic mound, slicing through everything in the way, bladder included. The caustic fluid spilled over her torn insides as Rei kept pulling the blade upwards.

Her strength finally failed her as she just joined up the cuts, as her innards gushed out all over her bag, and her book. Losing her balance along with her insides, she fell forwards, burying the knife into her spine leaving her paralyzed below the point of impact.

She glanced at her now completely ruined book. Much like herself right now. Bloodied and ruined.

Thankfully, she no longer felt pain. She just felt cold. Incredibly cold. The shock and blood loss finally getting to her. Her thoughts began to wander, as tears began to pour out of her eyes. She came silently into this world, and she would go silently into the night.
_________________________________________________________

 No.19183

I also made an extended version of the last part.

***

Seeing that Asuka was no longer among the living, Rei pulled the knife from her throat. She stood up and walked to the sink, rinsing the blood off of the knife, before making her way to the living room, knife still in hand. She went to her school bag, rummaging around. She found it. Molecular Cell Biology. The book she was reading through in her spare time.

"Your turn".

Asuka's words rang through her head. She looked down at her stomach. She already knew what she would find should she cut herself open, so that was of no particular interest to her, but she saw no harm in complying with Asuka’s final request either. Rei didn’t plan to finish herself with a quick slash to her throat like Asuka did though, as she figured just cutting her abdomen open would work just fine for killing herself. Of course, it would be slower and hurt more, but if she was aiming for quick and painless, she could have just chosen another method in the first place. So Rei figured, as long as she was committing seppuku, might as well go all the way with the slow and painful part. Not that physical pain ever bothered her anyway. And what for the long time it would take to die – that’s what the book was for, to kill the time while she was killing herself (naturally, Rei didn’t even smile, totally missing the pun in her own thoughts).

Rei laid her bag down lengthwise, placing her book on top of it. Recalling she had stopped reading it last night just before the chapter on Nerve Cells, Rei opened the book on the appropriate page and continued from where she left off. Rei has read a couple of paragraphs to gain momentum and then, without averting her eyes from the book, brought the knife she was still holding close to her left hip. Rei tried pushing it in while keeping reading, but found it hard to measure required pressure just right without really paying attention to it. After all, if she pushed the blade too deep, she risked damaging her viscera, thus shortening the time it would take her to die. Not that she minded it in and of itself, but it would make the entire endeavor with the book rather pointless. Rei wanted to have at least enough time to finish this chapter and not just rush it through, as she wasn’t interested in reading something without actually digesting it. And so, too make sure she’ll enjoy her reading, Rei had to stop reading for now and concentrate on cutting herself.

Making sure to properly read to the end of a paragraph and also to note where on the page it was, so she would be able to return to it quickly afterwards, Rei has finally averted her gaze from the book and focused on the knife in her hands. She took her time, making sure she made the cut just right. The knife didn't have too much to cut through, given her small, lithe build. She clearly felt the lack of resistance one she had pierced through the muscle, stopping herself from applying more pressure almost instantly. Good, now that she has found the appropriate depth, she just needed to keep it steady as she pulls the knife towards her right hip, and Rei was sure this much she could handle alongside the reading.

However, another paragraph later, Rei have noticed that the knife didn’t cut through her abdomen as well as she would have expected. Just when she regained momentum in reading. Rei sighed, as she wasn’t fond of a thought of losing it again. She tried to start slow sawing motions, careful not to push too deep, but also keeping her main focus on reading. And it ended up working rather well as she was dragging the blade against her torn flesh bit by bit. Rei could feel each individual muscle fiber tearing, which brought quite a lot of pain, but she tried her best not to pay attention to it so that it didn’t distract her from the book which got more engaging with every paragraph. Before she knew it, Rei finished reading a spread, while the knife was still halfway through her abdomen, right below her belly button. Distracting from cutting for the sake of reading was much more agreeable with Rei than the other way around though, so she gave no second thought stopping sawing herself and reaching for the book to turn a page. Rei was just about to touch the book when she noticed her hand was covered in blood. Actually, she discovered, what started as a trickle of blood when she started the cut, has now turned into a torrent she only failed to notice until this point because of being emerged in the book. Rei didn’t want to stain the book if she could avoid it, so she licked the blood from her index finger before using it to turn a page.

As Rei was reaching both her right hip and the end of another book spread, the pain and blood loss made her hands tremble, but she didn’t let herself falter in either reading the book or sawing through her abdomen. With a final tug she had completed the cut, yet unlike with Asuka, her insides were staying inside. It was certainly better this way. Less messy. Rei set the knife aside and licked her bloody finger again to turn another page.

Even with growing weakness and constantly bugging pain, with no active cutting to distract her, it didn't take long for Rei to finish the chapter. Or perhaps it did and she simply lost track of time. Regardless, by the time she reached the chapter’s last page, Rei didn’t feel anywhere close to death. She was weak and in pain for sure, but the blood had stopped gushing out of her wound, or rather it has slowed down to a steady flow, and Rei felt she had at least another hour left it her. Which was a good thing if she wanted to continue reading, but she wasn’t so sure about that anymore. Her vision was getting blurry as well as her thoughts, and even if she could still force herself to figure out the words, grasping the meaning grew harder with each paragraph, which made further reading rather pointless. Should she then just wait for death to come, in the meanwhile savoring the feeling of her abdomen being cut? But that seemed pretty boring. Rei couldn’t see what Asuka found in seppuku. As far as she was concerned, reading was far more engaging. With her thoughts returning to the book, Rei concluded if she couldn’t read the rest of it, perhaps she should spend her last hour contemplating on the part she had read.

Rei always had an interest in biology. It was fascinating how something perceived as life was in fact just a complex set of chemical reactions and a bit of electricity. The more Rei learned about how her body worked, the more assured she felt that there was nothing really alive about it at the core. Most people would probably find such an idea disturbing, but for Rei it was, on the contrary, a thought that brought her comfort. After all, if what we perceive as life wasn’t just an illusion caused by the unpredictability of complex systems, that would be an anomaly. And on the other and if no life apart from such an illusion existed, that would be totally normal. Such an illusionary life would be a much more natural part of the world than something that could think and have free will for real. And that is why Rei preferred to believe that even this whole train of thought was nothing more than a result of the nerve cells in her brain producing electric impulses in a specific pattern.

Speaking of nerve cells. Thinking about what she had just read on them and connecting that to the prior experience with Shinji taking her virginity, Rei somehow made the link that for her nether regions more pain equaled more pleasure. Not that she cared for either, but with nothing better to spend her remaining time on, she thought might as well test this. Grabbing the knife with one hand, and holding her bisected belly with the other, she got up on her knees. She placed the knife right below her, resting the tip against her lower lips. Rei was sure this would hurt as hell, but wondered just how much of the pain can turn into pleasure. She slowly wiggled the tip of the blade inside her, feeling the cold steel brush past. A jolt shot up her spine as the blade gently brushed her tender flesh. So far it felt great. She focused less on the pain in her stomach, and more on the pleasant tingling coming from her crotch. She pulled the knife out slightly before pushing it in a bit further, just slightly grazing her insides, as the first droplets of fresh blood began to drip from the knife. Yet another thrust left a steady stream of blood pouring out of her as she twitched violently from both pain and pleasure.

With each thrust the knife went further, cutting deeper. The pain started to build yet Rei did not stop until the knife was in up to the hilt. And even then she wasn't done. Rei was determined to try her best to reach an orgasm, not as much for the feeling of it as just to satisfy her curiosity of whether it was really possible by the means of a knife. And by know she was pretty close to that. So, letting go of her wound she grasped the handle with both hands as she jerked the knife upwards. The initial tug gave her that sweet release she her body craved for, but she pulled a bit too hard. The blade tore through her vaginal walls, up past her pubic mound, slicing through everything in the way, bladder included. The caustic fluid spilled over her torn insides as Rei kept pulling the blade upwards.

Her strength finally failed her as she just joined up the cuts, as her innards gushed out all over her bag, and her book. Losing her balance along with her insides, she fell forwards, burying the knife into her spine leaving her paralyzed below the point of impact. With that she no longer felt pain. She just felt cold. Incredibly cold. The shock and blood loss finally getting to her. Tears began to pour out of her eyes and her thoughts began to wander, turning once more to the book. As her blurry vision was fading to black, Rei stared right at the book, noticing how it was all messed up and bloodied. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for ruining such a good book beyond repair. But Rei herself was in a pretty much similar state, wasn’t she? She wasn’t concerned for herself though, finding comfort in the knowledge that she was no more special than any other of her clones which could easily replace her. But then, tracing the analogy back, Rei realized the book was also just one among numerous copies. Reaching such a conclusion allowed Rei to let go of her worry for the book, and as there was nothing else to trouble her, she has ended her life with a peace of mind.



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