I don't know what I was thinking. I was so mad at my mom that I just took off. I didn't care that I was in my tank top and shorts. I didn't care how far I walked. I just left the house. I must have been walking for at least an hour. I was down this part of the dirt road that I had never been on before. Just when I was about to turn back, a white van with no windows pulled beside me. Two men jumped out before I could figure out what was going on. I may have started to run. But before I knew it, one of them pointed some kind of gun at me, but a bullet didn't come out. A couple of metal hooks did instead, piercing me on my left chest. I felt my muscles contract violently as I fell to the floor, shaking uncontrollably.
They tied my wrists and ankles, and carried me inside the van. One of them kept me down by straddling me, and holding my shoulders down. I tried to push him off, to free mysef, but no matter how hard I tried, he was just too strong. Then I remember the two men, one grabbing me by my legs, the other grabbing me by my shoudlers, carrying me inside a house from the van, and down a dark basement.
And now here I am.
My arms and legs have been cut free.
"Take off your clothes, little girl," one of the men says to me. He is short, fat, and bald. Maybe middle aged.
I'm scared. I've never taken off my clothes for anyone before. I can barely move a muscle.
"Take them off, or we'll punish you," the other says. He is tall, slender. Older, with a more menacing face.
I still don't move. The fat one walks in front of me and slaps me hard across the face. I hear my ears rings and my face burn as I fall to the floor on my hands and knees. Then I feel my scalp stretch and my neck snap back as my hair is pulled hard. I get up, only to be slapped on the cheek.
Now both of my ears are ringing, and both cheeks burn.
I hear the skinny man snicker as he grabs me from behind, trapping my arms at my side. Even though he was skinny, he was still a lot stronger than me. I try to squirm out of his hold, but I cannot. The fat man bends over, grabs my shorts on the sides, and pulls down, taking with them my panties as well.
"No!" I yell, instantly feeling my pounding heart drop into my stomach. I can feel the cold of the room on my bottom.
"Damn, that's a fine pussy," I hear the fat one say.
"Not a hair in sight," I hear the skinny one say.
I'm so scared now. I don't know what is going to happen. The fat one pulls a knife from his pocket. He holds the knife and points it toward my chest. My heart quickens. My head pounds. I feel like my soul is leaving my body. I can hear myself whimper uncontrollably, and I can feel my lower lip tremle. Almost immediately I feel my stomach gurgle, and before I know it, I feel a warm sensation slowly creeping down my inner thighs, and I can both feel and hear a splattering of warm liquid on my feet.
I'm peeing and pooping myself, and I can't stop it. I'm so ashamed.
The skinny one behind me lets me go and jumps back. A few seconds later, I come to a stop.
"That's fucking disgusting," the fat one says. The skinny one chuckles.
"You scared her too much," the skinny one says. "You have to clean it up."
"I'm not cleaning that shit up," the fat one responds, "she will."
I can feel them both staring at me.
"Maybe later," the skinny one says. "Right now, we have to get her clean."
The fat one nods his head. He takes the knife and approaches me. I take a step back. He walks closer. I back away even further.
Suddenly, I feel my back up against the wall. As he approaches, I feel my legs give, and myself sink to a crouch. I turn to the side, finding myself in a fetal position. I close my eyes, wishing that this would all just stop happening. I then feel his hand forcefully grab the back of my tank top. I can hear the fabric separating, as he cuts both shoulder straps, and then down the center of the back of my tank top. I feel the fabric start to fall, and in my panic, I hold what's left of the fabric over my chest, covering myself as best as I could. I hadn't started to wear a bra yet, so this was all I had. Seconds later, I feel a strong tug on the fabric.
"No!" I cry.
But he is just too strong, as he rips my broken tank top from my hands.
I am totally naked now.
"Get up!" I hear the fat man grunt.
I don't want to. I feel that maybe I can stay huddled over, next to the corner of this wall, for as long as possible. I feel him grab my hair again, and I am exposed. The skinny one walks quickly towards me, and punches me hard in the stomach. As the pain ripples deeply through my mid section, I feel sick and throw up.
"Jesus fucking christ, man! Why'd you do that?"
The two men snicker.
"She'll clean that up too."
I can barely walk. I feel so sick. So scared. So dirty.
I can feel myself being dragged across the floor on my belly by my arms. The concrete scrapes roughly against my skin.
My eyes are still closed. I feel my senses have been overloaded. I don't want to see what happens next.
I can hear a door open. I feel my body being hoisted up. They sit me down on a very cold surface. I open my eyes just a bit. I'm in a tub. The skinny one has a pair of hand cuffs. He cuffs my wrist to a metal bar on the side of the tub. The other one holds my other wrist. Every time I want to move it, I can't. He's too strong.
And then they turn on the water. It's freezing cold. They rinse me first, and then turn the water off. And then they bring the soap. I feel their disgusting hands on my skin, as they rub the soap on me, and even though I expect it, I grunt in repulsion as they run their fingers down the middle of my butt. And then I feel one of them push their finger inside. I clench my cheeks and tighten my muscles.
"Wow, this bitch is tight," I can hear the fat one say, "It feels like she might break my finger with her ass."
"Wait till we fuck her there," the skinny one says.
"I don't think I can," the fat one says, as he pushes his finger deeper into my butt.
I can't describe the sensation. It's extremely uncomfortable. It kind of hurts too. I feel like he's wiggling his finger inside of me, and it's triggering a feeling in me to want to poop. I try to push his finger out, but it's no use. It's hurting now a great deal. I want his finger out, but just as I'm starting to process this new repulsive feeling of his finger inside of me, I feel another one slide in from the front.
And this is a totally different feeling.
It's much more painful.
At this point, I'm deeply confused, ashamed, and hurt. I'm naked. I'm cold. I'm being violated in a an unimagineable way. And then all of the sudden, I feel a finger slither down into my private area. It's the most sensitive part of my body, and I can feel every movement magnified, as the finger probes me down there. It hurts. A lot. I lose control of my voice, and a slow steady whimper escapes.
And then I feel something very different. I feel him enter me. First just a little, and then deeper. The pain shoots up my center. It's extremely uncomfortable. But it's not just the discomfort. It hurts a lot, and the pain radiates deep into me. Into my very core. It's difficult to describe, but I want it all to stop immediately.
But they don't.
The next few minutes are unbearably long. I begin to cry. A cry turns into a sob. The fingers probe deep into me. I can feel them pushing them in and out. I can feel them hooking their fingers, wiggling them. Pushing deep into my inside flesh. I know that one of the fingers is inside my butt. I don't know where the other is, but it is triggering a sensation inside of me that is entirely alien, new, and terrifying. And it hurts like nothing I have ever felt before.
I look down. I can see a stream of red down both my thighs. I know that I'm bleeding. I beg them to stop.
"Please, stop, please. It hurts so much."
They don't even bat an eye. I can see the skinny one lick his lips.
I beg them again.
"Please, you're hurting me. You're hurting me. It hurts a lot. Please stop. Please, I'm begging you."
But they keep going.
I don't even know where I'm bleeding from. I want to go home. I want my mommy. I'm sorry I yelled at her. I just want my mommy.
"Please," I say.
"Please. Please. Please." I keep saying. I find that I'm mumbling now, in between my sobs.
Anything. School. Detention. Any punishment from my parents. Even getting stung by those bees last Christmas. Anything was better than this. Anything was miles better than this.