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While some people self-insert as the killer, others imagine themselves on the receiving end or like being either. I've always wondered why I prefer to be the victim so here are some unscientific guesses.

1) As the victim you receive pity and attention. In fiction, people even pity antagonists who die horribly.
2) It's an incredibly submissive act to surrender your life to someone else.
3) An even darker rape fantasy. The extreme taboo nature makes it an appealing forbidden fruit fantasy.

I also enjoy the human cattle fetish. Breeding, milking and slaughter for meat gives meaning to my life. I'm not required to think anymore but I can live a very productive life as a female, fulfilling my duty by birthing the next generation in addition to providing food for society.


Well, the reason for my submissive tick is probably self-hatred and romantisation of death.
I like the thought, that the sole purpose of my life was ending up to be fullfilling someones pleasure, who probably wont even know who I was.
Also I kinda like the fear induced adrenalin, wich comes with the realisation that my life is going to end soon.


I've wanted to die as far back as I can remember, so for me that desire for death morphed and twisted as I got older into what it is today.


More likely explanation is this

there is a considerable difference between fantasy victim and the real victim, you do not surrender your life it is more like the total opposite.

Victim fantasies normally revolve around the attacker being focused on the victim what implies that victim is in control because if you make someone think about you are the winner it does not matter what other people think about you as long as they think something.

the main point of your idea is this: "gives meaning to my life"
when you are dom you are a God who gives meaning to other people while your own existence is meaningless, you have no duties no goals just meaningless existence where you do some random things that make you feel good.

If you are not a godlike personality you do not really have what to surrender, as you already act in someones else interest and follow some external goals so you can only desire that someone will take you and find some use for you.

so in the summary main reason for being the victim is a desire to have a meaning and to get an attention

I am more interested in attention and superiority but not so much in the meaning. Strangely enough, I also may enjoy being the victim if I know that attacker will not be able to harm me for real so I can show my superiority even then by allowing it to do whatever it likes and being unable to do anything to me.


For me, it evolved from an existing enjoyment of BDSM.

I like being restrained and I like feeling helpless, and ultimately that means being at the mercy of your partner. It's the ultimate expression of trust, and for me IRL that that leaves me with a profound feeling of being cared for. It's like falling and knowing your partner will always catch you. It's a beautiful feeling, makes me want to curl up against their chest and purr.

It's also a powerful sexual feeling. Laying on your back, cuffed to a bed with your legs over your partner's shoulders, gazing into their eyes as you fade into orgasm. That also feels amazing - you're totally helpless in the best way possible, fading out into bliss as they watch you melt. Utterly.

For me, my victim fetish is just an evolution of that. I sometimes like to fantasize about losing control of a situation, my partner hurting me instead of caring for me. Maybe instead of fading out into bliss, fading out into death.

A big draw is losing control of my body. Forced arousal; getting soaked even though my partner is hurting me. Forced orgasm; being unable NOT to cum is a MASSIVE turn on. And the loss of bladder control as I fade out, a throb and spreading warmth as I'm at my most sensitive.

And yet all of my fantasies are just that, erotic fantasy. They don't reflect on my real life in any way, and fade away for days or weeks at a time. They're a bit of fun when I can't sleep, or need a powerful orgasm to blow away nagging worries or doubts.

At home and work I'm assertive to the point of bossy, and I think that's why I like BDSM. I like being in charge, and I'm using to getting my way. So being tied up and put at my partner's tender mercy is a huge turn-on.

Finally, I guess an extreme example of a fetish being a fetish is my occasional drowning kick. As erotic as I find it, in reality I'm hopelessly and amusingly hydrophobic. Almost comically so - riding the ferry to work on a rough day is enough to leave me shaking and struggling not to hurl, even if the waves are only ten inches tall. So much for being a Navy Brat.


Do you mind if I ask for a description of what "wanting to die as far back as you can remember" entails?

The statement also applies to me, and I'd love to know if we're similar or not.

For me, as long as I can remember I've inserted myself into fictional death scenes as the victim (I later expanded to ideas/fantasies of death in general). It's never been sexual, but I do get a kind of 'rush' from it. I also think it may have been an early marker of being trans, since the characters have to be male (ftm here).


I'm trans too! FtM.
I never considered my death desire could be tied until recently.
I've bounced key memories off my mom to get a general age when this began and my oldest memory I was two.
In simple terms... I wanted to die. I'd fantasize every night wondering what it would feel like. At first, I just acted things out so I didn't fill in my role in my mind with a specific image. It was me, whatever that meant in terms of appearance.
At six I asked my dad if I could ever be a boy and he said no because god made my soul a girl. I mourned this for a long time, then didn't say anything about it ever again. So in my fantasies I was female because I felt I had no choice.
Skip ahead ten years. Depression flipped my want for death I to a violent suicidal urge. Despite multiple attempts they failed spiraling my depression into a monstrosity.
I find my wife, get out of the toxic environment that was my house, but the depression was in total swing. I tried more times than I can count.
Then I decided to face that I was trans. After 3 years of struggling to come to terms with myself I did and the moment I did my violent suicidal tendencies and my depression ended. But that was when I learned that being suicidal and wanting to die were actually 2 different things. I still want to die. I can't fall asleep without a mental death fantasy (to fall asleep it can't be sexual). I can't orgasm without a death fantasy in my head.
I didn't aspire for anything in my life because I want to die more than anything. If someone walked up and said, "I could give you all the money you need to fully transition or I can kill you, which do you want" I would be torn. Chances are I would settle for death.
But that isn't how life goes so I'm focusing on transition so I can at least have happiness.
I've been lucky enough to marry the perfect wife for me and we have a house and jobs we enjoy. I can't complain about life...I would just rather not be conscious.
I went to therapy and it has been confirmed to not be a form of depression. Something in my head is just a little broken I guess.
I do imagine myself male in my fantasies now.
And I don't get off to violence on females as strongly as I do against males since I do insert myself as the victim.

My therapist and I gave up on finding an origin to my death desire. We concluded knowing the origin was unnecessary. You may never find an origin to yours. If that happens, don't let it bug you.


let's think reasonably you tried suicide several times and you would prefer being killed over getting money
I think it pretty obvious that you do not want to die at all or else you would be dead long time ago :) it is not that big deal to kill yourself.

I also sometimes get that feeling when I am overwhelmed with something or get in the situation which has no existence then it comes to my head too like how nice it would be to die now and get rid off all that crap.

It is interesting that trans people are so obsessed with death and not even because of some mistreatment.
this would suggest that there is some relationship between those conditions.


Yo, BrokenAxle, did you get the response I wrote?


You overestimate how easy it is to kill yourself. You can only control your body to that extent for brief moments in the most dire feelings. That's why guns make it easier than pills, which your body will vomit or absorb the best it can.


You can just get on the roof somewhere very high and jump down getting splattered to the mush, it can be something more hi-tech or plain hangings There are plenty of ways to do it easily and reliably if you really want it but if not you usually will fail as you will deliberately choose some unreliable method simply because you just don't want to die.

this is similar to abusive relationships, as no matter how woman complains about her abusive partner she will always choose another one who will abuse her again.

Logically everyone who fails routinely for trivial reasons makes it pretty clear that failure is the deliberate outcome.


Yes Onix, it's that easy. Just maintain psychic discipline over your body despite fighting primal urges to stay alive, up all those steps, every... excruciating... inch.


That's the point. while you may think that you want to die in reality you don't, it is not some primal urges of self-preservation it is simply your desire to stay alive.

You may think "I want to die" like you can think other things but your "body" will sabotage you not letting you do what you claim you want and that is precisely the fact that you do not want that after all.
At that moment you just start inventing lame excuses and lie to yourself for why something prevents you from achieving your goal It does not matter if it is suicide or abusive partner or even getting a job. If you actually like your life on average you will resist any ideas to change it.

This I is why I prefer to ignore what stupid people say and just look what makes them happy.

here is one related joke:
in the Nazi Germany train of jews is going to the camp and one jew constantly complains I am so thirsty ... I am so thirsty...
everyone around gets tires hearing that and beg guards to bring him some water he drinks as much as he wants stops for few moments and continues to complain I was so thirsty .... I was so thirsty ....


But you do, you just also want to live.


Of course, you want to live and this is why the attempt at suicide fails. :)
You only talk about wanting to die or other problems only because the act of complaining makes you feel better.


Onix, if someone wants to stay up all night New Year's Eve to see the first sunrise on New Years but they fail because they fall asleep, it isn't because they didn't actually want to see the first sunrise. It's because their body followed a primal need overriding what the person actually wanted. You retard.

>>6653 DP I just want to say thank you. I'm happy someone gets it.


This is not a very good example because I was talking about failing several times, not just once and also falling asleep is a physiological, not mental issue.


The need for sleep is biological, just like the instinct to survive, but the instinct to survive is a much older much stronger biological program, so it is much harder to override than the need for sleep. But a need for sleep and a need to survive both are biological programs. Wanting to die is not. If you want to override a biological program you will be met with resistance, especially if it involves overriding the need to survive because that is one of the oldest and most basic of instincts going back to the dawn of life.

Of course failure will happen. But that doesn't mean a person doesn't actually want to die. They do, they are simply incapable of overriding the primal program. Or they tried and the method somehow failed which is out of their control.

One of our many traits as humans is endurance. People have survived falls from high places and gunshots to the head. Furthermore, statistically, only about 10% of real attempts at suicide actually succeed (I'm talking about attempts that involve the individual going through with the action, not just hanging onto the edge of a high place, but actually jumping for example).


There is no such thing as "the instinct to survive". There is no way to encode that and we do not even have a definition of "life" what makes that idea totally pointless from a philosophical perspective.

In fact, this is my approach to all problems. Instead of relying on pointless definitions we should think what exactly we want to achieve. and when you think more you find out that you actually want something else or maybe it appear that you totally don't want what you think you want.

If you are aware that some method fails 90% of the time you probably should choose something else if you want to succeed. Why being in your sane mind you do something whast is almost inevitably will fail?


O.o Yes. There is an instinct to survive. It governs responses like fight, flight, and freeze.

Are you educated at all or are you just a troll?


Depends on your definition of education, If the meaning of education is regurgitating some dogmas and obviously illogical stuff I am not educated. I prefer to think a bit more in-depth.

Any kind of response requires certain logic behind it which must be based on objective factors. Until there this is not explained I declare entire theory as bullshit.
If you want to prove that instinct to survive does exist you have to explain how it works. Until you cant do that it does not exist.
I do not see any evidence that such thing could exist because like I said before, there is no definition of survival.

The desire to live is more related to the unwillingness to lose your investments, and it is proportional to the amount of what you have. The more potential you have the more you value your life when you have nothing you usually do not care about dying. I can also apply this to myself because when I was a child I couldn't care less about dying but now I have too much to lose.
on the other hand, uneducated gangsters do not value their life at all and they die young. Same is valid for ancient warriors who had little regrets about dying in the battle. and instinct of survival did not bother them at all, even now it is not uncommon when combatants of third-world states run into the battle like movie heroes without the slightest concern about safety. Rich people newer behave like that. When you are rich you will do anything to stay alive. Even terrorists, when they actually achieve something in life, become very unwilling to die.


So you're uneducated. That explains a lot.

There is evidence and explanation for instinct and survival instinct. Particularly if you study the brain and how each segment and lobe works. If you want a full explanation I suggest you actually speak to a few professionals. A brain surgeon and a psychiatrist could probably answer your questions far better than I can and help you through the proof. But if you just sit on your ASS and try to logic through things without collecting knowledge of what is out there then your logic will fail because you will miss key pieces of the puzzle.

I hear your same remarks on education and logic from people with a high school diploma who think the earth is 6000 years old and aliens built the pyramids. You can use that excuse for nearly any belief, but unless you are willing to learn outside ideas you can't compare them to your own and formulate conclusions. An education doesn't brainwash you into believing anything, it exposes you to multiple possibilities and the ways people have come to their conclusions. It let's you have dialogue and debate ideas (at least that was why my college education was like)

Or, are you from a country where that isn't how your education system works?


You are forgetting the main principle that correlation does not mean causation, just because something in the brain lights up in some situation that explains nothing. You need to tell how exactly it works.
In fact, you cannot even tell for what purpose that area of the brain gets active.

And yes, in fact, education does lots of brainwashing, Prety much all purpose of the theory of evolution today is to prove the superiority of women over men interns of their extraordinary value and decision powers. Currently, evolution simply replaced god and if you need to explain anything just refer to evolution and do not bother even thinking if this is even possible or reasonable. lust like with god evolution is used to give meaning to absolutely everything no matter if it is homosexuality or aging, everything is described as some deliberate result of natural selection which must be highly beneficial.

I am no way again theory of evolution but the way how it is used is plain disgusting from the scientific perspective. I have seen plenty of nonsense where even totally natural date processing artifacts are explained as the deliberate outcome of evolution while those retards do not even bother to learn how computer algorithms works and how all those quirks of the human brain are not some product of evolution but simply inevitable results of incomplete data processing algorithms.

Science practically turned into ideology and even scientific theories are getting tailored to specific ideologies like "Aquatic ape hypothesis"
Or the more general idea that prehistoric life was very hard and dangerous, with intent to prove benefits of capitalism, when the exact opposite is true.

Funny enough theory of evolution also surfaced in the time of transitioning to the capitalism while same ideas were known for many ages already and nothing that Darvin invented was really new, but this theory was excellent new god for capitalism so it received great support and was developed further. (this no way invalidates that theory but isn't it a nice coincidence?)

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