>>I'm very empathic, but I can't do this. My GF like risky sex in public, but it's impossible for me, to feel the same. I don't find that appealing at all. If something isn't connected to my initial kinks, I can't find that hot.
Were you able to do 180 degrees spin with empathy about something fundamental, basic?
well that the whole idea that if you are not interested in risky public sex your girlfriend is interested, so you can do something like putting the remote controlled vibrator in her and make her do risky things while you yourself stay safe and do nothing of that.
Then, you go outside and you see her arousal and feel aroused yourself using her as a proxy while you yourself may have zero interest in that thing and stay safe.
but when you do that several times or just imagine doing that to someone imagining how that person will feel you may even start liking it done to you as well.
funny thing is that you have no clue how it feels or what it is, but you just know that this is something that must feel good and your fantasy will do the rest of the work. As If you use a vibrator on your girfriend you definitely cannot know how does it feels but you see her expressions you see her pleasure and you know that it must be good when that is done to you.
I kinda disagree with your idea of fetish origins, because from my own experience and from what other people say this is different.
one interesting thing is that you do not need any traumas to like or dislike things. you simply copy likes or dislikes of other people in your childhood.
For example, if your mother displayed disgust towards the certain thing you will likely copy her disgust and feel it same. Something like one sentence "bad boys have to be spanked" said by your mother (or not even said but implied) will be cemented in your mind forever unquestionable truth on the emotional level.
as for me, my mother once said something bad about bald people I kinda misunderstood that but from that moment I feel disgusted for bald heads and even feel fear if I see some bald person. I am kinda prepared to defend myself also, It somehow happened that my father somehow displayed his lust towards big breasts and this got transferred to me as well. I had absolutely zero interest in breasts but then I just decided to try it and yes that worked.
This is how we learn what is shameful what is good and what is bad
we totally ignore what our parents demand us to do but we take everything that they feel.
If your mother will start crying you will be hurt much more than if she was spanking you.
I found one story on the internet where kids decided to play dead to tease their mother, but when she almost lost her mind that was most traumatic experience in that person's life. there was no punishment of any kind no scolding no complaints and yet it was worse than anything that.
I grew up in the extreme absence of any kind of sexual information and only learned about how kids are made in the puberty from the medical book about sexology. Imagine was surprise it was for me that my parents did something that disgusting. LOL In my childhood I was doing many of those extreme things you see on Japanese movies, because I had no clue what I am even supposed to do I was masturbating in the wet clothes trying to wear pants on my head, masturbating while hanging upside down lying between 2 chairs in the air and other strange poses as I just had no clue what I am doing but I was trying to find out how to do it the best way and it all worked great.
This proves that what matters is just the expectations. You simply believe that something must feel good and it does feel good. If you will believe that gay sex feels good you will love it unless it will happen to be painful. the more you fantasize about something the more interested in that you get.
I do not say that children have to be forced to have sex, they must be just told how to do that and then they should be left to learn it on their own. What matters is that both girls and boys must be told that they must cooperate in trying to please each other this is is the most important idea here, that instead of hurting each other and fighting yours have to bring pleasure to each other and invent a better way to do that. Status should be gained not by hurting people and proving yourself to be strongest and most successful but by your ability to please other people and the best way to please is to have sex.
However, it must not be something plain as achieving orgasm it has to be a complex thing when children would develop multiple fetishes and invent very ingenious and complex ways to do it and control themselves to extend that pleasure. Our sexuality is not in our body but in our brains, it is in our fantasy.