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Either to stop the pain in your head or just so there'd be one less monster in the world…


Well, I do think about it sometimes, as how I may kill myself when I will be very old and terminally ill or just lose all my funds and assets so that I will be a about to be thrown to street.

But to stop pain in my head, no, that is usually cured by good sleep unless you have a hemorrhagic stroke. Suicide is really an overkill solution.

Although sometimes, when things get pretty bad, I do think "how wonderful it would be not to exist" but not at the level where I would even start thinking how to erase myself from existence. It is not because I want to end suffering but because the worst situation is when I have no idea what to do next.


So for you it would be more to do with feeling trapped/backed into a corner than depression or mental pain? I guess it all comes down to desparation in the end and seeing no other way out…


well, there is always a way out, even suicide is a way out. but the worse thing is when you cannot decide which way you have to choose. If you get in the situation where suicide is the obvious best solution you can just do it with excitement and happiness. but if you can't decide what is the best solution this is where things get really bad.

But otherwise, I cannot even imagine any other concept of mental pain or depression.
I think that pain by itself is not even something bad it is just one of our senses which gives you certain information, it turns into suffering when you can't do anything about it and it turns into annoyance where the problem is not the pain itself but my inability to get rid of it.
Depression seems to be exactly that feeling of being stuck where you cannot move forward no matter what you do.


I guess you can feel grateful that that's the worst you can imagine - hopefully that stays the case :-)


maybe you can explain how else it can be?

because if your life really gets so bad you can always end it or just stop bothering with making effort.
which is actually the main advice I give to everyone as solution to all problems and cure for all mental disorders :)
If things get too hard just give up.


Yeah… we're not on the same page and not likely to be. Thank you for your perspective 'though :-)


Well, I explained my perspective so you could explain yours as well. it is not like you have anything better to do ;)
Because I also want to know how other people feel and what is the logic behind their feelings especially those who are not on the same page.


Fucking frequently.
I'll spare you a rant for now but basically I'm constantly horrified. Torturous physical pain and other worries lurking around the corner and abuses of awful, toxic shit heads have worn away hope for being generally content or even half okay.


Oh man… Massive supportive hugs to you!


Not so much of late. Medication has helped immensely, or more truthfully the… sixth? type tried over the last few years… some of the others barely did anything and it was likely a mix of anxiety and attempting to keep my job that kept me alive. Others were more effective but the immediately previous course started OK then gradually faded in effectiveness until I was just in a very dark place, yet got shit-all play from the docs until I was… maybe not actively threatening, but strongly suggesting a deadly outcome could be on their hands if they didn't change my prescription.

tl;dr it can be a bit of a fight to get the right treatment (still haven't got proper full assessments or any therapy lined up), but it's worth it once it works.

As for removing monsters from the world … I have no guilt about just looking at some drawings which tweak the darker and more animal recesses of my brain. Gotta get the dopamine, serotonin and noradrenaline from somewhere for the reuptake inhibitors to have something to work on. No adults, children or animals have actually been harmed at the end of the artist's brush, pen or stylus, and I'm certainly not partipating in any of the same. It's just art, and there's things hanging in galleries that would get you looked at very funny if you painted them as a new thing in 2020, so it's clearly more a matter of opinion and moral relativism than any clear cut case of morally acceptable vs unacceptable. I'm certainly not going to off myself over what JPGs appear via the million or so pixels of my computer monitor, so long as they're not actually beast-CP-snuff livestreams or whatever.


Neuropathy is a bitch, have you explored any actual treatment options or has that proved a closed path?


Thinking about it right now… It's not so much that I want to die, more that I want to… not be.


I found myself the subject of… let's say unhelpful attention when I went for help before. Last time I tried I sensed from the questions that I was in danger of a repeat so I daren't seek help… Ho hum…


Sorry, I wasn't suggesting frequenting this site and others like it make someone a monster but I know how I view myself - as someone the world would be better off without. Figured I might not be alone in that…


Thank you… seeing as you're anonymous and I want to know who you are, atop my other existential thoughts… idk fuck it I'm stoned good luck mofos


I'm the same anon who commented on your post about missing people. Shame this site has no PM function - I think we would be friends :-)



Messaged you there :)

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