Wall of text bellow follows:
Hello fellow Gurochanners. This post is meant as an offload of my life's story...perhaps I'll find some comfort here. I'll detail bellow as much about myself as I can.
I posted this on NoFap too, so I copied most of it from there. I believe there are a ton of negative effects that result from watching too much porn. Search NoFap if you want to find those out...
Note: edging means to masturbate but not reach orgasm, to basically search and search for that perfect pic, that perfect stuff to get you off.
Quick debrief on my NoFap journey: first try I went 8 days (but I still edged 6 out of the 8 days); second try I went 5 days and relapsed on the fifth( still edged so it probably didn't count much); third try was 15 days (still edged 12 of those 15 days) and now I am in my second day of my 4th attempt. This time I've decided not to edge at all, but I have broken that promise to myself... So I suppose I should consider this as the start of my 5th attempt.
<<The Bad Parts of My Life>>
I am now nearly 20 years old, a student. I feel like I have wasted most of my life (though that's an unreasonable line of thought, since I only became partially aware of how life works and what I want to do around 3-4 years ago, and even now I am not certain what I want to do with this chance to life that I was given). Haven't really went through life or experienced much (never left my country, never had a job, never had a girlfriend and therefore never felt intimate with anyone or truly connected<-this one tears me apart). Up until now I've spent most of my time trying to escape my insecurities.
There are two main ones:
I. Being mediocre, therefore feeling utterly insignificant, redundant to the people around me; from this feeling I've developed some kind of inferiority complex that is lodged in my subconscious mind (but I can't really be sure...I'm no psychologist). This belief that I'm inferior and that I'll never be able to succeed manifests itself as a self fulfilling prophecy most of the times...
For example: these days I should have studied so that I may pass my mid-term tests with flying colors, but I end up edging. (I suppose one teeny tiny good side effect was that I learned how to use Sony Vegas when I made myself a porn montage...which I edged to continuously; from this perspective, trying NoFap has created more problems than it solved. Spending upwards of two-three hours ePost too long. Click here to view the full text.