>>I'm very empathic, but I can't do this. My GF like risky sex in public, but it's impossible for me, to feel the same. I don't find that appealing at all. If something isn't connected to my initial kinks, I can't find that hot.
Were you able to do 180 degrees spin with empathy about something fundamental, basic?
well that the whole idea that if you are not interested in risky public sex your girlfriend is interested, so you can do something like putting the remote controlled vibrator in her and make her do risky things while you yourself stay safe and do nothing of that.
Then, you go outside and you see her arousal and feel aroused yourself using her as a proxy while you yourself may have zero interest in that thing and stay safe.
but when you do that several times or just imagine doing that to someone imagining how that person will feel you may even start liking it done to you as well.
funny thing is that you have no clue how it feels or what it is, but you just know that this is something that must feel good and your fantasy will do the rest of the work. As If you use a vibrator on your girfriend you definitely cannot know how does it feels but you see her expressions you see her pleasure and you know that it must be good when that is done to you.
I kinda disagree with your idea of fetish origins, because from my own experience and from what other people say this is different.
one interesting thing is that you do not need any traumas to like or dislike things. you simply copy likes or dislikes of other people in your childhood.
For example, if your mother displayed disgust towards the certain thing you will likely copy her disgust and feel it same. Something like one sentence "bad boys have to be spanked" said by your mother (or not even said but implied) will be cemented in your mind forever unquestionable truth on the emotional level.
as for me, my mother once said something bad about bald people I kinda misunderstood that but from that moment I feel disgusted for bald heads and even feel fear if I see some bald person. I am kinda prepared to defend myself also, It somehow happened that my father somehow displayed his lust towards big breasts and this got transferred to me as well. I had absolutely zero interest in breasts but then I just decided to try it and yes that worked.
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